Creating Intimacy
Happy New Year. How has it been so far? We have had a bit of a year in 2020 and 2021 hasn’t had the best start! Maria and I want to say thank you for your feedback. It has been important to the team. It has been both humbling and inspiring to see how we have continued to offer support, friendship and understanding to each other throughout this last weeks and months,
I know that when we talk about creating intimacy it means different things to different people so you may be wondering what this is about. For many readers intimacy means sex but that feels like a full-on subject for this kind of platform in early January so today I’ll look to other kinds of intimacy. [smiles]
Social distancing, physical distancing, isolation, masks, no hugs, 6 feet to chat, meeting under a blanket in the back garden. It’s beyond the pale. As social animals how can we keep that intimacy with our nearest and dearest — and humanity? It feels like the bonds that give us strength are under pressure in a way never imagined.
With our therapist and supervisors’ hats on, we have acknowledged we are experiencing the same restrictions as everyone else. They may not be to the same degree or have the same impact but each of you reading is under no illusion what covid-19 means to you personally. Your online therapeutic sessions may well be a lifeline to others, but your online network can be just as important to you.
2021 is a year of celebration for Online Training for Counsellors. It’s 20 years since we began from a small group of curious therapists. It’s 10 years since we ventured into social media and began our blog posts! So where is the intimacy being created in the title?
Bagarozzi (2001) is my go-to expert on intimacy. His Marital Intimacy Needs Questionnaire underpins a great deal of my work — although he perhaps wouldn’t recognise it as I have modified it in places. I also find it useful when looking outside romantic relationships.
I describe intimacy as being like a wheel of cheese — brie to be exact. If ripe, running brie offends you perhaps look away now.
When we cut a wedge of brie you almost don’t notice as the space fills with the rest of the wheel. Perhaps we could say the untrained eye wouldn’t notice. In an extended relationship such as brother, friend, or neighbour a lack of sexual intimacy or spiritual intimacy is expected. That wedge is removed, and other aspects of intimacy can be considered.
We may be able to take another wedge, perhaps call it physical intimacy or psychological intimacy. The wheel of brie may not look the same, but it is still acceptable as a wheel. Good enough you might say for our social circle.
Unfortunately, we are not just at the stage of Who Moved My Cheese but who locked down, closed, restricted, and ruined my cheese! Our need to play, eat and exercise together is barely being met. Our time is short by necessity and the freezing cold weather temper thoughts of emotional sharing out of doors. Thank goodness for the connectedness of the internet and the pillars on which relationships are built online.
Online Training for Counsellors has a calendar of events planned for this year to offer hope of social and recreational intimacy by way of competitions, conversations, and events. There are prizes too! Including a place on the General Certificate in Online Counselling Skills for one lucky winner.
We pride ourselves on our network of warm and friendly professionals and are delighted to offer 5-minute pockets of connection and light-heartedness as you scroll through the sad and often distressing personal posts from around our world. We invite you to take part in our simple competitions, taking a moment to share a moment of being vulnerable, a memory or what made you smile.
That’s how Online Training for Counsellors are creating intimacy in 2021.
Our hope during this time is that you will find comfort and reassurance in knowing you are not alone. We hope too that happy memories will bring you some lighter moments and perhaps a little joy. OLT4c will continue to be here for you in 2021 and beyond.
To enter January’s competition click here and here for Facebook and Instagram respectively. Looking forward to your entries! #januaryphotochallenge
Bagarozzi D. A. Enhancing intimacy in marriage: A clinician’s guide. Routledge. 2001
Suzie Mosson
Originally published at https://www.onlinetrainingforcounsellors.com.
